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Parenting orders are designed to provide structure, stability, and clarity after separation, ensuring your children spend meaningful time with both parents. But what happens when your children refuse—or struggle—to follow the arrangements?
It’s an incredibly challenging situation. You might feel caught between wanting to respect your children’s feelings and needing to comply with legally binding court orders. If you’re in this position, you’re not alone, and there are steps you can take to navigate it.
Here’s a practical guide to understanding your legal obligations, supporting your children, and working toward a resolution that benefits everyone.
Why Might Children Refuse to Comply with Parenting Orders?
It’s important to first understand why your children might be resisting the arrangements. Common reasons include:
- Emotional Strain: Separation can be difficult for children, and they may feel torn between their parents or struggle to adjust to new routines.
- Conflict Between Parents: Tension or ongoing disputes between parents can leave children feeling caught in the middle, which might lead to resistance.
- Comfort and Familiarity: Children may feel more at ease in one home or attached to a particular routine, making it harder for them to transition between households.
- External Influences: Conversations with family members, friends, or even one parent can shape how a child feels about the arrangements.
Understanding the root cause of the resistance can help you determine the best way to address it.
What Are Your Legal Obligations as a Parent?
Under the Family Law Act (1975), parenting orders are legally binding. This means you’re required to take all reasonable steps to ensure the orders are followed. However, the law also acknowledges that parents can’t physically force children to comply, particularly older children.
If compliance becomes an issue, the court will examine whether you’ve made genuine attempts to encourage your children to follow the orders. This might include facilitating communication, offering reassurance, and creating an environment that supports their compliance.
Steps to Take When Children Refuse Parenting Orders
If your children are struggling to follow parenting orders, here are practical steps to help:
- Communicate Openly and Calmly
Sit down with your children and talk to them about why the arrangements are in place. Use age-appropriate language to explain that the orders were made with their best interests in mind. Reassure them that it’s okay to share their feelings and that both parents want what’s best for them.
- Provide Emotional Support
Children often need help processing the changes that come with separation. Engage a child psychologist or counsellor who can provide professional support and give them tools to manage their emotions.
- Collaborate with the Other Parent
If it’s safe and appropriate, discuss the situation with the other parent. Working together to address your children’s concerns can reduce tension and help them feel more secure.
- Maintain Consistency
Children thrive on routine. Ensure that transitions between households are as smooth as possible, with consistent schedules, rules, and communication.
- Document Everything
Keep detailed records of instances where your children refuse to comply with the orders. Include dates, what steps you took to encourage compliance, and any relevant communication with the other parent.
- Seek Mediation
If communication with the other parent is challenging, consider mediation or Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) to address the situation and explore practical solutions.
When Should You Seek Legal Advice?
If the issue persists despite your best efforts, it’s time to seek legal advice. A family lawyer can help you:
- Understand your legal obligations and rights.
- Explore whether the current orders are workable or need adjustment.
- Determine whether you should apply to vary the orders or seek additional support through the court.
Can Parenting Orders Be Changed?
Yes, parenting orders can be varied if they’re no longer meeting the needs of the children or the parents. To apply for a variation, you’ll need to demonstrate that there’s been a significant change in circumstances since the orders were made.
Examples of significant changes include:
- A breakdown in the relationship between the children and one parent.
- New information about the children’s emotional or physical wellbeing.
- Changes to one parent’s living arrangements or ability to care for the children.
Applying to vary parenting orders can be complex, so it’s best to seek legal advice to ensure you understand your options.
What If You’re Accused of Breaching the Orders?
If the other parent accuses you of breaching the orders, the court will look at whether you made genuine attempts to comply. Evidence such as:
- Communication records with the other parent,
- Proof of attempts to reassure and encourage your children,
- Engagement with professional support like counsellors, can demonstrate that you acted reasonably under the circumstances.
How Brisbane Family Law Centre Can Help
At Brisbane Family Law Centre, we understand how emotionally challenging it can be when children resist parenting arrangements. These situations require both practical solutions and a compassionate approach.
Our experienced family lawyers can help you:
- Navigate your legal obligations while prioritising your children’s needs.
- Work toward varying orders if circumstances have significantly changed.
- Find alternative solutions, such as mediation or collaborative discussions, to resolve the issue.
You don’t have to navigate this alone—our team is here to provide support and guidance you need.
Final Thoughts
When children struggle to comply with parenting orders, it can leave parents feeling stuck and unsure of how to proceed. While the situation is never easy, taking proactive steps and seeking professional advice can make all the difference.
If you’re finding it hard to manage this issue, Brisbane Family Law Centre is here to support you. We’ll work with you to explore solutions that prioritise your children’s wellbeing and ensure the best outcome for your family.
